Missed Call, Wrong Number

It’s just one habit. It’s not like the other ones. I’ve been at it a long time and now it is going away.

The thing is though, it represents the best thing in life, well, one of the best anyways. I know what you told me and I know all the bullshit but this is different and you wouldn’t understand anyways.

It changed over the years. Or maybe just my experience is different anyways. Things just aren’t what they are supposed to be. It was so great, but this was great too plus I was doing it this way first but now nothing works like it used to and I don’t even know what it’s supposed to be like. I just know it seems so meaningless now.

Who says it’s better without it? What do they know if they aren’t doing it?

The problem is that I think this is what has kept me from moving forward although I’ve gotten this far what’s to say I won’t be just fine.

What do you do when you don’t want to do it anyways? I remember back then and it was all so great and now it is real and I don’t even like real if it is like this. I don’t think I like it; I haven’t given it a chance.

Even all the things that seem so awesome if I can’t do it are only awesome when I think about not doing it and if I’m really not doing it all the awesome things suck.

Anyways, Amanda is sick and we can’t find Daryl so I gotta go and you can fuck off you self-righteous ass.


You Wanna What? Get over Fear? Well, OK

I think that every thought we have about what we do not want in our life might possibly be based on a fear. There are only so many fears. I think that the feeling of fear could be memorized and then released.

I’m not talking about fear in a great vague sense. I am thinking about breaking fears into general categories based on feeling fear and matching that feeling of fear with the subject or subjects of your thoughts.

If you’re thinking a thought or series of thoughts about whatever subject it might be and you feel fear, AND you realize you were feeling fear, you can match that feeling with that subject and realize that you are feeling fear with your thoughts about it.

Whatever you are feeling fear about, there is a very good chance that you are not afraid of that subject and the feeling is a ‘left-over’ from a time in your past.

The conversation in the mind might be a bit thoughtful. “Yes, I feel this feeling of fear… but… I don’t think I’m actually AFRAID of it. I can’t deny that I have feelings about it though.

Yeah, I’m feeling the feeling but I’m not actually afraid. I think I’m going to let some of that go. That would suck if I felt like THAT every time I think about this subject for the rest of my life. Um.. No. I don’t think I need that feeling any more. I’m going to let that go.” And the feeling starts leaving.

When you realize you’re not afraid of the subject, the fear tends to release and no longer pops up.

Weird huh?

Some categories of fear that are generally accepted are:


Ill health


Criticism: Not good enough, being wrong, public speaking

Loss of love

Loss of freedom

I think that people feel fear a lot. And I think that the feeling happens, and a person reacts without realizing WHAT is happening. I think it happens a lot.

So, what I’m thinking is, what if a person put a little bit of time into really focusing on different categories of fear? What if a person focused on things that make them feel fear and become familiar with the feeling so that it can be released? (Even better when you realize you aren’t afraid, It’s just a feeling!)

It is tough to release it though, if you don’t recognize it for what it is.

I know, I know. That’s negative, watch out for the law of attraction, be careful what you think about, thoughts become things. Probably shouldn’t focus on things that make you feel fear. OPRAH won’t approve.

I’m not talking about becoming needlessly preoccupied focusing on things that you have felt fear about or focus on things you don’t want. No thanks!

I’m talking about setting aside a few minutes and focusing on it in a reasonable way and then get on with your life. Maybe 45 minutes to an hour a week and really focus on it. (Like a massage.)

Get familiar with what your mind is doing. (The feeling could be anything but right now I’m talking about fear.)

Becoming super focused on a feeling as important as fear is really worth investing some thought.

I don’t want to say that the feeling of fear controls people. (Even though it certainly can and sometimes does).

What if I call fear a Powerful Influencer?

 An aspect of our personality that has this much POWER over our motivations and emotions really ought to be examined. Audited even. (with a sense of humor)

It is fun when you are you doing this with a person who can keep it light and easy while keeping you on track. On track meaning that you are able to focus on the very subject that most humans will do almost ANYTHING to avoid. FEAR.

Recognizing fear in everyday life and being completely comfortable with the feeling (because of the focus training sessions) really speeds up the process of realizing that you have less fear than before. Less fear than when you were younger. It’s relaxing…

This is possibly more fun if you are doing this with a friend or group of friends. There are book clubs, so I suppose there’s clubs where people do this kind of thing as well.

A person could do it with a therapist. Maybe not. I’m not sure if releasing fear is therapy.

Maybe life coaches do this kind of thing. Do life coaches do this kind of thing? I don’t know.

Probably the best person to work with on a project like this would be a hypnotist or a Neuro-Linguistic Programmer. A programmer can likely get you right where you want to go.

They will ask you what you want to do, and you will tell them. They will have you imagine/remember times when you’ve had that feeling or the things you usually are thinking about, until, you begin to feel it. And now the work is being done.

You probably won’t remember everything, (Is memory overrated?) You know you did something. Something important. And you are already starting to notice an expectation, a good feeling, confident even, like things are already starting to improve. Courage maybe

You’ve had an interesting experience, and you ARE starting… something’s different… feeling lighter. You find you have a little less fear in your life.

So, what was I talking about? I remember I was going to do… No. I was doing, did! I did something important. Something I feel really good about. Hmmmm.

Oh well, I’ll probably remember right after you finish re-reading this and come back for more.

P.S This was fun to write. Although no plug was intended when I wrote this, if you are in any way interested in Fear Removal for REAL, you will want to research Jerry Peterson at scars.com. I took a 3 day class with him several years ago and my life shifted instantly. The relief of fear was beyond anything I could have imagined. Amazing. It was like a spiritual experience.

My Fellow Americans (I have been brainwashed)

I am willing to fight forever for the America that I was raised with. I was brainwashed to believe in America the way it was when I was a kid. I was brainwashed to believe it was good to fight for, and to die, for my country, or, as the Marines might say, “We’re not here to die for our country. We are here to let the other guy die for his.”

But here’s the thing, if America is dead, then I do not any longer have to fight for America. I am not going to fight for an America that is gone.

As Atlas holds the world on his shoulders, we Patriots have been staggering under the weight of holding up America because we were brainwashed. Meanwhile, Globalists are doing all in their power to collapse it, because they are brainwashed. (As the master of some religion is approximately quoted as saying “Forgive us, We don’t know what we are doing.”)

If Globalists win the presidency, according to my brainwashing, then America dies. America was going to die someday anyway. I wanted it to last for a few more generations but ultimately, I’m going to be dead in a few years.

I had a strong desire to see America continue on after my death, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t be OK with not getting my way.

According to my brainwashing, the new way is bad and evil. It’s not personal, it’s just a matter of fact.

The fact that I know that my beliefs are based on brainwashing and are not based necessarily on truth allows me to realize that there is probably beauty in the new way. It’s not rational to imagine that the new way, the way that a bunch of the country, at least 10-15% of the country is dreaming about, could be all bad.

I know people who want the new way. They are not bad, unless I run it through the filter of my brainwashing towards people who would vote for any leftist or socialist way of life. Then they become terrible people. That’s not rational.

So, I see the possibility Of America dying as a natural part of life, like a person dying.

I love my grandfather. I am still seeking his approval. I love him.


I am not going to fight for him now that he’s dead. I would have given my life for him on a whim while he was alive. (brainwashing as it applies to the family patriarch.)

All of my brainwashing has, up until the last two or three days, filtered me through the idea that if called, the only honorable way is to stand and go and fight for my country. That remains.

That remains AS LONG AS America is alive. But, if America is dead, I can let all of that brainwashing go.

If it’s dead, I owe it no loyalty.

Loyalty is not easy. Being a Patriot was a real hassle sometimes. Putting up with the most horrible aspects of society, criminals in the highest levels of Government that were living by a set of treasonous standards that were not congruent with the current laws caused a lot of stress.

I didn’t like it. I wanted these lawbreakers to be held accountable and for those who disagreed with the current laws to stand up and do the American thing and work to change the laws.

I have had to stand by and watch horrible things happen. None of us liked it. We are a nation of laws, or so my brainwashing had led me to believe.

If America is dead, all that brainwashing is gone. The new way is going to be wonderful (and terrible) like every other way is. I have no habits with the new way, because I’ve never done the new way. That means, whatever I do is who I am now.

If America dies, I am going to be a part of building the new society and because I’m old, my passions have changed. I am more passionate about kindness and helping a friend. I am more passionate about love, and seeing families get along. I am more passionate about seeing kids playing on skateboards, and taking chances on bicycles, and trying to be the best at a YouTube video, or a video game.

The passions I had as an American Patriot were exceptionally good For America, even if they were not always good for me.

The passions I have for whatever the new system will be, are going to be the passions that I am passionate about now. The new way is going to be wonderful (and terrible). I am going to build the wonderful.

I have no disagreements with anyone in the new way. Anyone who has thoughts about old America, in favor or against, I no longer care to disagree – if America is dead. Let the dead be dead for God’s sake.

Anyone who has thoughts about the New Nation, whatever that means, I have no disagreements with the new way. There is going to be wonderful (and terrible). I don’t mind that. And that allows me to have no disagreements. I just choose to build a wonderful side.

Of course, if President Trump wins, then I must, based on my brainwashing, spend four more years fighting for America. And if I and my fellow Patriots are successful, then we will be fighting for America for several more years, including as long as we live. Because……… we are brainwashed to do that.

My brainwashing floods my body with chemicals producing wild emotions and great leapings of the mind that prepares me to live the exemplar life of the Patriot, including to fight, even to death, to keep America alive. But the minute that it is confirmed absolutely to my soul that it has been given over to the Globalists, that is the exact minute that I can let go of all of my Patriotic brainwashing and embrace the future, no matter what that future is.

It is that exact moment that the America that I have sworn all my oaths to, is dead.

The only torture for me has been watching a future move towards me quickly with hardwiring to go one way that I know, or another way that I don’t. At the very moment that the future fork-in-the-road arrives is the moment I will put my entire heart into the direction that I must go.

The brainwashing of my childhood was put up on me by well-meaning people as a child. That very same brainwashing I embrace fully as an adult.

That brainwashing is about a nation. That brainwashing is about America. That brainwashing is about being an American Patriot. That brainwashing created a beautiful dream in me that loves America! I love the dream of what America is based on, what was given to me on this silver platter called brainwashing.

That America, that I have lived for, is so beautiful, and is so young, so innocent, so full of chest-bursting pride. My body sobs when somebody plays the star-spangled banner. Weird s*** I know. But it’s true.

The brainwashing of my childhood created such powerful emotions in my body, such massive doses of pleasure move through my body when I hear a President say, “My fellow Americans”.

The brainwashing of my childhood included ideas of America that are so noble – laughingly, naively, impossibly noble. Long ago I recognized how impossibly, and wonderfully a love of America was gently and with trumpets sounding, massaged into my very DNA.

I’m not letting that go.

I love America so much. I’m not letting that go. I am Absolutely, completely, and without inhibitions, in love with my Country. I love America. As long as America lives, I have a reason to live and something worthy of dying for. It’s built into me. It’s something so fantastically beautiful. This was a gift to me that I didn’t have to build for myself. Even if it’s delusional and wrong, I’m not letting it go. I love America.

Giving this Presidency legitimately or illegitimately over to the Globalists is the Deathstroke to America based on my brainwashing. And this brainwashing I accept also. And with that acceptance, is the escape route that allows me to move forward with only a moment of regret and, only a moment of grief. As with all other death, we move onward.

If the Globalists are in control of America, and that is the death of America, then America dies. If it is true, that you don’t fight for the dead, but that you live for the living, then I do not have to fight for America anymore.

 I feel a deep relief in the core of my being. Fighting for America has brought about great pain in my personal being, absolutely my close family, and it extends into family that would probably be close if I did not so stoically , so passionately, so happily , and with such frustration stand by the values of being a patriotic American.

With America dead, then I can lay my duties down. I can honorably know that I have been a Patriot to the death. It had never occurred to me that it would be the death of America. But… death is death.

I have been a Patriot to the death… of America…. and my heart is weeping.

Something that meant so much to me, always assuming it would be my death, and it meant enough to me for it to be that way; I have fulfilled my duty to America.

So, I wait these last few days, maybe weeks, perhaps 18 months.

At some point a wailing and cheering will go up, and I will know that a decision has been made, and if the decision is President Trump, then with absolute resolve I carry upon myself the duty to be a patriotic American and I live by the rules of the land and use self-control and to be a good person.

If the decision is Globalists, then I will go to that place in my soul and I will present myself as I am, and ask to be released from my oath to be a patriotic American unto death….. As America has died.

And then I will step forward and embrace what comes next with an excitement that only comes from the most absolute relief of a lifelong oath, to be as patriotic as the heroes of the highest patriotic standards, which I would not have been able to live by anyway. I am relieved of the impossible. I am relieved of having to roll that enormous rock up the hill every day.

Being patriotic was not a burden. It was a duty and an honor. But being patriotic to a country that is dead, not only would that be a burden, but it might also be considered stupid. Very, very, stupid.

If President Trump is rightfully placed in the White House for another four years to be the leader of our nation, then I stand absolutely resolute, and I live in every way to be a patriotic American.

If the Globalists are given the reigns to freely operate our country, then I will bring my passions fully into play to take part in building the next Great Nation. And, I will probably start brainwashing My Fellow Americans to be loyal and patriotic to the New Nation.

Wait… WHAT??? You wanted me to write an acceptance for Globalists to be OK with a Trump win??

I’m so sorry! It will take a few minutes to edit this. I’ll just move around a few names and make being American a terrible thing to be.

Yeah, Yeah. I must have mixed this up with someone else’s project. Yes, I will make it seem that the ONLY way to be worthy of life is to be a Globalist and ALL Americans are bad.

Thank you for not throwing my children into the cattle car. Yes, we are loyal to the new regime.

Yes, Yes, I understand. One more thought-mistake like that and it is the firing squad.

Thank you Master…. You are too kind!

Welcome to Amy’s Dog House

So, we lived in a little town nestled in the misty valley where the low-lands mingled with the foothills of the Blue Mountains. A place where dreams were born and died as efficiently as the dreams of the city slicker.

The coffee is strong and black at the internet café section in the Wienhardt Hotel on main street. Travelers meet here, fresh out of bed. Perfect hair and fresh perfume can’t cover for restless sleep that won’t wear off for a few hours.

We don’t care. We understand. We are travelers too, just not traveling now. The loneliness lingers for us townies that really don’t belong in a town that almost became something. A town of power-names that really were something 5 generations ago and are now wealthy losers living off the insurance money and land purchases of ancestors.

Amy is coming in. She is in her late forties – early fifties and she bought a small acreage a few miles up the hill. She has a son, tall and handsome. We seldom see him as he is a soldier of fortune, usually body guarding businessmen in the desert countries.

Amy’s farm came to her through tragedy. Not hers, the old lady who loved the hills and valleys of the area.

The story goes along the lines that in the last thirty years or so, the old lady took care of the chickens, tended a small garden and kept four dogs to guard against the local wild life with a cow around for company and the side benefit of fresh dairy cream.

Even though she had friends, country life can leave a person in a lonely condition, especially during the late winter months when survival of self and family becomes more important than checking on neighbors.

Sometime in the Spring, someone came to check up on her and got wise to the idea there might be a problem when the chickens were dead in the hen house and there weren’t any fresh footprints in the snow and early melt-off mud.

A quick peek in the window showed disarray, and the familiar scent of death lingered near the doors and windows. The observer rumbled into town to visit the Sheriff. In a few hours the news got around.

A cause of death was not fully investigated though no foul play was suspected. There wasn’t much left of the old lady or three of the dogs. One of the dogs most likely died of starvation or thirst and its body was in late stage of decay. The cat (probably the cause of death) was still alive and happy to get out.

Considering the disturbing condition surrounding why her farm was for sale, the locals were a bit standoffish, willing to let the Wild reclaim the farm. Amy, though, didn’t care. She was from out of town and wasn’t afraid of a bit of work to get the smell out and bring the little spot of heaven back to life. Before Amy’s first Winter set in, she had a cow, a several chickens, and a few dogs of her own.

Wasn’t long before the neighbors accepted the swap.

Amy is still an out-of-towner, so she found herself drawn to the rag-tag clutch of coffee drinkers at the Weinhardt. All of us alone – together. Strong coffee brings out the best in superficial friendships and we became skin-deep friends spending a few hours out at Amy’s farm.

One day I asked her how she felt about being at the farm, alone with the dogs. She looked thoughtful, not answer directly. A few weeks later we were up in her neck of the woods and spotted a new sign hanging by a shiny chain from the beam above the entry gate.

Welcome to Amy’s Dog House

I Couldn’t Have Said it Better

We all have a place to go when stuff starts messing with our head. On WordPress, this is where I go. Call me a genius if it makes you feel better. I call this guy The Prophet.

D. Miller, November 11, 2017

Convert we live in strange times, but then, maybe all times are strange. Probably. WWI & II were pretty strange, so too the atomic bomb, LSD and opium, as well as a whole host of women and men I have know, now that I’m thinking about it, absinthe is pretty goddamn strange, particularly on the second (shared) bottle. Anyway, there are barriers being broken and challenged all around us. Some of it good, some of it not so good. The thing I like about your confronting these various issues through your fiction is you bring them into focus as a “human thing,” not necessarily political, but rather as a perplexed, well-meaning person trying to read the road signs in the rain. M. Twain and W. Rogers did the same thing. I can only imagine what those two guys would say about 2017. For me, most of our attempts to navigate this new, confusing world often run head on into fear: our fear, somebody else’s fear, the fear propagated by various leaders…on and on it goes and I guess fear has always been married to change. Somebody invariably loses when any change occurs, change is zero sum. I see no way around that. The trick is to tell the bad change from the good and then make an optimal correction for you and family. J. Donne was wrong, we are in fact islands and have always been so. Born alone and die alone and all his talk about the interconnected goodness of community has simply not held up over the long stretch of human history. People and entire countries selling each other out for something, land, money, etc. Part of all this also is how we forget. The things we accept today are often corrupted, but we are either ignorant about it or have simply forgotten. For example, take the concept of “love”. Shakespeare has given us the current definition of what love means, before him it went through many, many changes and people during those different historical eras acted on their understanding of what love meant. It is not just technology that changes, but the thoughts and concepts that comprise our internal value system. Again, for me, this is what your fiction is all about and why I find most of what you write so very ironic. Thanks. Duke

Thank you Duke,

The Convert